she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
