He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
