god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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