Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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