Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
