but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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