the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
