he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
