Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
