She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
