just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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