I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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