now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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