just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
