please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
