It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
