The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize