I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
