sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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