totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
