dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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