??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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