I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
