After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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