You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
