Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
