OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
