Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
love makes seman taste better
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
