You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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