Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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