my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
