Got a toothbrush?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
