dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
