Moan for me like Helen Keller
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
