I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
