i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
