Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
