I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
