And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
