im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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