She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
