I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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