You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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