Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she told me i tasted like america
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
