I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
