3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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