just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
