How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
