are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize