She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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