I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize