i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
