Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
