i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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