we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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