I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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