you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
nutella sex= disaster
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
