It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
