put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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