She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
