i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
