Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Alive.
So much puke
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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