Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
