He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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