Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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