All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
