I just saw a hot homeless man
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
