maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
