well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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