the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize