He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I didn't notice because vodka
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize