Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
