Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
