dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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