i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i now understand why vodka
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
