small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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