Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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