Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
