I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
