I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
