she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
