found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
