did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
