walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
