He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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