Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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