lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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