Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
