The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
