I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
