he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
