Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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