and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
