this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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