Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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