just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Boobs speak an international language.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
