i just had sex bonerless
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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