this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's like God shit irony all over that family
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
