If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize