You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
