I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
