you win again, gameday.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
