i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize